And this will be a new life.. a time to start over new.
I realize that God is giving me a chance to grow. He is opening doors and closing windows. I'm a person who is very opposed to change, but I'm sure I fit into the majority as such. It's been so weird moving out of this house, and at first, while I thought I would miss it, I cried a lot and went into a state of depression. What is so strange is that the further I move from this house, and the more and more I take away from here and pack into storage, the more I realize that this house has simply been a shell of what I have called home. This house is not my home; it was the time capsule in which I stored my memories. This house is a symbol of what a home is; togetherness, a sense of belonging, somewhere to hide when it storms, a place to run from, a place to come back to, and a place that will always be there. It is what we, as our very basic human instict, want in our lives. It is stability. However, the things which make a house a home are moving with me. I will feel together when I am with my family in my new house because I belong there. I can hide in the new house when it's storming, and run from it, knowing I can return when I need to. My family will always be my family, and that cannot be changed with a whip of a pen or a exchange of money. I will always carry my home with me. On a sadder note, I have learned that although my family will always be with me, others will not. I do not have the precious freedom to treat others with the rigorous and ignorant bullishness that I do with my family. In the end, if God has shown mercy on me, I can repair damage done, but only to a certain extent. I cannot and do not expect the kind of luxury of acceptance or comfort with anyone else like I do with my family. If I make a mistake and hurt my sister or brother, father or mother, they will always know that deep down I love them more than the world, and that tomorrow we will be fine. However, such is not true with friends and aquantances.
On a brighter note lol, I realize that sometimes God gives us the best kind of friendships in the world where a friend becomes more of a sister or a brother. When friends become more like family, both parties can treat each other with the flowing honesty and brutal love that is fatal to lesser relationships. Such close relationships are so far and few between, it is almost as if (if it weren't entirely impossible) God made a mistake and that said friend should have been a sibling, so now He is making up for it by bringing the two together.
However, we know it to be true that God never makes mistakes, and we do all the time. It is because of our tendency to make a mess of our lives, that we have the control, with His help and our sacrifice, to fix our mistakes. Whether or not you decide to fix what is broken, to sacrifice yourself, and to take the time to repair the damage, is completely up to you. Understanding this, sometimes it is beneficial to repair your mistakes and build character, and sometimes you lose more of yourself in the process than you gain. Whatever the effects, the cause is your own.
And life...It was painful coming in, so why should we expect simplicity while we're here?
So in this new month, I have learned that there is something that is never lost (family), something that can never truly be found (friends), but that thankfully, if one is ready and willing to throw himself forward into painful heartache, dashed hopes, and broken dreams, he can gain the worldly goals that make a life seem so worth while.
He can gain stability and love through awkwardness and personal sacrifice.
Wow.
I realize that God is giving me a chance to grow. He is opening doors and closing windows. I'm a person who is very opposed to change, but I'm sure I fit into the majority as such. It's been so weird moving out of this house, and at first, while I thought I would miss it, I cried a lot and went into a state of depression. What is so strange is that the further I move from this house, and the more and more I take away from here and pack into storage, the more I realize that this house has simply been a shell of what I have called home. This house is not my home; it was the time capsule in which I stored my memories. This house is a symbol of what a home is; togetherness, a sense of belonging, somewhere to hide when it storms, a place to run from, a place to come back to, and a place that will always be there. It is what we, as our very basic human instict, want in our lives. It is stability. However, the things which make a house a home are moving with me. I will feel together when I am with my family in my new house because I belong there. I can hide in the new house when it's storming, and run from it, knowing I can return when I need to. My family will always be my family, and that cannot be changed with a whip of a pen or a exchange of money. I will always carry my home with me. On a sadder note, I have learned that although my family will always be with me, others will not. I do not have the precious freedom to treat others with the rigorous and ignorant bullishness that I do with my family. In the end, if God has shown mercy on me, I can repair damage done, but only to a certain extent. I cannot and do not expect the kind of luxury of acceptance or comfort with anyone else like I do with my family. If I make a mistake and hurt my sister or brother, father or mother, they will always know that deep down I love them more than the world, and that tomorrow we will be fine. However, such is not true with friends and aquantances.
On a brighter note lol, I realize that sometimes God gives us the best kind of friendships in the world where a friend becomes more of a sister or a brother. When friends become more like family, both parties can treat each other with the flowing honesty and brutal love that is fatal to lesser relationships. Such close relationships are so far and few between, it is almost as if (if it weren't entirely impossible) God made a mistake and that said friend should have been a sibling, so now He is making up for it by bringing the two together.
However, we know it to be true that God never makes mistakes, and we do all the time. It is because of our tendency to make a mess of our lives, that we have the control, with His help and our sacrifice, to fix our mistakes. Whether or not you decide to fix what is broken, to sacrifice yourself, and to take the time to repair the damage, is completely up to you. Understanding this, sometimes it is beneficial to repair your mistakes and build character, and sometimes you lose more of yourself in the process than you gain. Whatever the effects, the cause is your own.
And life...It was painful coming in, so why should we expect simplicity while we're here?
So in this new month, I have learned that there is something that is never lost (family), something that can never truly be found (friends), but that thankfully, if one is ready and willing to throw himself forward into painful heartache, dashed hopes, and broken dreams, he can gain the worldly goals that make a life seem so worth while.
He can gain stability and love through awkwardness and personal sacrifice.
Wow.
posted by smilesmore @ 9:40 AM
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